We're not that close.

Just when I think I have nothing to bitch about (that I haven't already anyways) I find something! I'd call her the new girl, but she isn't that new, in any sense of the word. She sits in the cube adjacent, and i'm sure is a lovely woman, but let's go with a tad on the essentric side.

I can appreciate the funky jewelry, the non-corporatey attire, the spikey hair, the exercise ball she uses for a chair...all endearing qualities in the older women. I can even deal with the unsolicited stories and comments and questions, it's all friendly. But, as non-territorial as I thought I was, I can not take space invasion.

There is such a thing as personal space. You know, the aura around oneself that you do not invade unless you are going to make out with the person? Yeah, that one. There are also personal spaces in the office, i.e. the cubical. True, there is no 'door' but if there was, you know where it would be and you don't cross the line without prior [permission or at least knowledge of the owner. This chic has no concept of this. Not once, but twice TODAY she has been IN my cube riffleing through my shit. Once, I didn't even notice right away. She had to have snuck up behind me and started looking at whatever is piled on the desk behind me as I hear papers being moved around. I almost didn't want to turn around because I knew who it was and didn't want to engage in conversation.

Which I'd like to note is a pretty clear and unsubtle sign, if I'm not looking at you i'm not interested.

Then again she asks me some random question and walks right into my cube and picks up some trinket on the back of my desk and starts asking questions about it. Do I go into your cube and poke through your stuff? No. NO ONE DOES THAT!!! Ok, maybe if we're friends, we do lunch, we get drinks, we hit the gym, we chat, but we're not that close. I am working on a subtle friendly, but clear way to communicate the fact that I expect you to stay on your side and do your work and not comment on anything going on over here in this cube. It is invisible to you.

I should have seen this one coming. The 2nd day she was here she was talking to us with joking mannerism that would imply she had been here forever and we had inside jokes together. Hard to put your finger on and describe, but you know it when it happens. Not one of us yet. Sorry. Social demerit. Give me back my plastic candy corn man and get back in your cube. Go.

Someone asked me what blogging was before. Aside from being more than slightly behind the times, my explanation to this person was 'online complaining'. That being said I guess it's a good thing when I struggle to find subject matter. Let's just go with my recent trip to Rochester for a wedding.

For the most part, it was pretty uneventful. I had been thinking (again) about the idea of moving back to NY lately. After all, I do have 90% of my family still living there and a handful of friends. You know, the responsible, family-oriented ones. I'm not sure I'm really that type, but that's neither here nor there. Affordable housing is hugely abundant there as well. However, it seems that every trip back up North confirms the reason(s) I left. Number one of which being it's too damn cold.

I forgot how cold it actually can get. Of course, I wasn't in Minneapolis when it was -58 degrees, but it was -10 degrees if you factor in the wind chill. I am factoring. It was that kind of cold where you go outside and your nostrils stick together when you breath. Cold cold. Leave your car running for at least 20 minutes cold. I just plum forgot how fun that is. And the site of snow banks towering 2 stories in the parking lots. Oh good times!

The other thing I noticed on my trek to the arctic north is how large some of my relatives have gotten. I mean, obese. I have heard of certain cities being 'healthier' than others and now I think those surveys have a point. It's probably much easier to sit inside with a bag full of ding dongs when it's always grey outside and a striking negative 10 degrees. I think I have at least 3 morbidly obese relatives and I feel for them, but holy crap, when did that happen? The whole lack of significant others in the life probably attributes to that in some way (depression) but I think they have literally doubled in size. I mean, I'm the first one to tell you my favorite restaurant is Dunkin Donuts, but you have to know when to say when.

Obviously I hadn't seen the fam in awhile. I had only met the groom once, but I have decided I like him because he danced. I have decided I like those who don't take themselves seriously and will at least attempt to cut-a-rug. I even get mad at myself for feeling self-consious and requiring booze to do this. I was very surprised that my 92 year-old grandfather was one of those out there cutting a rug. Although he did look much older than the last time I saw him (1999) I have to say I was very impressed at his energy and mind. He got my uncle to the rehearsal dinner after he got lost from memories at least 80 years old. Impressed. I can't remember things a day after they happen for the most part.

I think the only thing worse than pressuring yourself into having a good time on New Years, is pressuring yourself into some grand scheme of New Years Resolutions.

The definition of stupidity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. So I ask myself, if there is something I want to change (and those who know me know I love me some change) what am I going to do differently this year? And this is the part where I spiral into a depression because the answer is NOTHING. Nothing. I am going to do nothing different that I haven't already done last year. Which stands to reason nothing different is going to happen for me.

Not to be all Sally-complainy, my life isn't all bad or anything, its just everyone wants something to look forward to, something new or exciting to possibly hover on the horizon, and I got nothing. No-thing. Even if I wanted to possibly venture off on a new career path, aside from the fact no one is hiring anywhere, I've already tried that last year and it got me diddly squat. Not one interview or maybe slightly interested from a human type email. Nothing. The fact also remains that I have at least one foot planted in adult-hood being that I am a parent of a 6-yaer old in a school district, I have a mortgage with my name on it, scads of freakin school loans to pay back monthly, and car payments. I can't exactly pack all my belongings in said car and drive off to California like my parents did before I came along to spoil their youth. I am also too poor to afford even a weeks vacation anywhere it would seem for reasons already mentioned.

So what is a girl to do? Let me ponder some things I have not done in 2008 that could possibly be applied to 2009 in an attempt to possbibly have some 'different' occur......this might hurt.

1. Be a positive person (ha ha ha, that's not going to happen!)
2. Focus less on ME and more on the family (yes this is sucking)
3. ......

I can't do this. This is why I usually ignore the whole aspect of resolutions, I should tell my boss I don't believe in her whole 'goals' for the coming year either and it goes against my religion. If there was anything I could think of to make my life better or easier, I'm pretty sure I would have done it already. Maybe it would be easier to make a list of stupid things I did in 2008 and just not do those. Yes, I'll work on that for next time. I think I feel less depressed about that notion. Ciao.