How Irritated are You Allowed to Get at Friends?

I have this best friend. Love her to death, been through thick and thin in college and if I was a man I would have married her, but I digress. Inevitably, she makes promises to visit and then goes completely A-wall until the period of time said visit was suppossed to occur, has passed. I'm trying to think how many times this has occurred....thrice?

I do not buy the 'busy' excuse. She does not HAVE kids. She is a teacher, and last I checked, the damn schools are all CLOSED. I understand we live states away, but if that is the case, just say it. Too far, so sorry. Don't make me feel like an ASS for making three unreturned phone calls and at least 2 emails on the subject. Do not make me feel like some girl stalking some boy she just made out with and is never hearing from again.

I would like to think I'm not a huge societal reject that my own supposed 'best friend' is more than a little blowing me off. And save me the calling me AFTER New Years and telling me how sorry you are that you couldn't take 5 minutes to return a phone call. YOU DO THIS ALL THE TIME IN CASE YOU HADN'T NOTICED.

Really.

Yes, really.

And every time you do, I just feel like a complete reject, like the girl not getting called for a prom date, like I even need any blows to the self esteem from the people that are suppossed to be there to prevent attacks on it. Please realize you do this and make an effort not to anymore, it's all I ask.

I'M STILL NOT READY FOR YOU HOLIDAY SEASON

I really think I must have fallen into a coma for half of this month because I can not wrap my head around the fact today is December 23rd. What the hell? I am still not ready for this! And I don't mean I haven't bothered to online shop during work so I have presents to put under the tree, and I don't mean I don't have a Christmas tree with ornaments half-hazardly thrown on sitting in my living room, I mean I'm not ready!

I haven't seen any of the televised Christmas specials, I only went to the mall once the day after Thanksgiving, I have yet to see a single snowflake, I haven't made any Christmas cookies, mailed any Christmas cards, felt any festiveness in my soul, nothing! I"m not ready. To top that off I can't seem to find the Christmas station I remember having on all last Christmas. I found one but it's entirely too Christian for my liking. As a non-going church member of blended Espicalpal - Lutherin faith, church = wedding/funeral and that's it. Scary place, I have some cult friends and those people scare the crap out of me. I also don't believe half of the jargon that comes out of the sermons and I think if they weren't exposed at vulnerable ages, they would not believe that crap either.

Back to my point though: Christmas: 2 days and counting. The only reason I have decorations up is because I have a 6 year old who is prime Christmas excited this year and initiated all of the decorating/tree getting and we even attempted a gingerbread house last weekend, but (aside from the fact I keep eating the reindeer)that thing is practically condemned because aparently I suck at house making and decorating.

I would also like to point out that I'm at work. Full days of work all last week and this week with the exception of Christmas day and we do get off at noon on Christmas eve. The fact I have to drag myself out of bed at 7am, put on clothes and drive to work at ALL on Christmas Eve just makes it seem like a frivilous nothingness day and way to have us all put in a full day FRIDAY because we'll have so much to catch up on. Scrooges. I see you've managed to give us the Friday after New Years off though... WTF, what is up with that? Merry F-ing Christmas rental lady from Gremlins who brings the broken Santa head to the bank to kill Billy's dog. (ok I did see that this season)

I guess I'm miffed partly is just blurring by this year and I haven't felt like I've had the chance to take advantage or enjoy it. I haven't been to any Christmas parties or anything and having them is too hurtful when people don't come so I can't do that anymore. I remember being a kid and the days taking forever to go by, I understand a little bit how excited my daughter is. I just feel somewhat sad that it's the 23rd and I am sitting at work all day and I have to come back tomorrow when my parents are coming into town and I should be there when they get there with Christmas croogle in hand dressed in a santa hat and red and green Christmas sweater with dancing reindeer and Christmas carols playing in the background. Not out at Tysons' mall scoring half off bras at Victorias Secret and crying b/c traffic sucks so bad and I still have to get stocking stuffers for the dogs.

I am really finding it odd and infuriating that so many people are here, are ok with being here, and are actually doing/requesting actual work. IT IS CHRISTMAS!! At least, I thought it was. ... this really blows.

The Body Revolts.
I have to think for a minute when people ask how old I am. I honestly still think of my mom as being mid-30's forever so for me being 30-anything sounds endlessly way too adult/old in general. Unfortunately, or fortunately, it just is true. 31. Only gets worse from here I gather. I've been complaining for quite some time at varied lengths and intances that everything I eat makes me feel sick. Well I was right. It does.
Somewhere around Thanksgiving I managed to tick off my body from some combination or eating and binge drinking and it had a revolt. I ended up in the hospital for 5 days. 5 DAYS. I've never been admitted to the hospital with anything aside from giving birth that one time, so this was all new for me. It felt a little like giving birth without all the end results. Turns out when I complained my intestines were swollen they actually were. They had to stick a tube down my throat while I was awake. I dont' recommend this to anyone. I did not eat or drink from 730AM Thursday til the following Monday afternoon. I'm still pretty impressed by that, despire the IV's keeping you alive, it is mind boggling they can do that. I thought about asking for a diet version just to take a few off since I wasn't eating anyways.
To my relief they at least think they know what my problem is. Crohn's disease. I can deal with that. Yes it sucks I'm on a diet of chicken soup, crackers and jello for a month over the Happy Holiday season of Christmas cookies and crap, but I have lost weight already and the drugs really keep me from being hungry much anyways. Leave it to me to have a major illness to take a few off. "Mono was like the best diet ever." Anyone? What movie is that from?
Aside from the slightly odd feeling my new drugs keep me in, I have a wierd metallic taste in my mouth all the time. It could be a number of things, it makes for some wierd breath. I'm not really sure what the plan of action is after my colonoscopy on the 6th (feel a little young for such procedures) but I think I may be saying goodbye to more than just coffee. Oddly, I am not really too saddened. I think part of sufferring through a tube down the throat is the gratefullness it gets taken out and you gets lot of time to perspective things, stop whining about all the petty crap in life and just deal with what is most important.
I guess I can be an adult. It was bound to happen sooner or later.

How was YOUR Thanksgiving?
Good. As all vacations, not nearly long enough. Because I am writhing in monthly agony that a dozen ibuprofins cant' seem to touch, I'll keep to my favorite parts.

Dinner for 24. Something I like about large amounts of chaos in small doses that just seems warm and fuzzy. That, and it's pretty easy to blame the fact you spilt the water from the vase all over great-grandma's tablecloth on someone else.

Snowball fights.

Mall shopping with my best friend on black Friday. I had a small anxiety issue in the dang Victorias' Secret but that place was MOBBED and they were running out of free totes by 9AM.

Dinosaur BBQ. Yummy.

My first SU basketball game at the dome. Yes, I've lived there for a good 25 years of my life and had never been previously. We tried scalping some tickets but ended up in the large box office line anyways. Drank beer steadily, and wouldn't you know it, they won!! Go Orangemen! I didn't need a reason to keep drinking all night, but thanks for giving me a good excuse.

Drunk pictures. And I promise not to throw anything else while intoxicated. I have no aim and hit the poor bartender with a paper coaster and was immediately snitched on. I swear I wasn't trying to!! Thanks for not throwing us out.

Letting mom take care of my dogs and my dishes. At least I did my own laundry.

Dunkin Donuts. They are everywhere up there. Shiny beacons of greatness.

Now lets see how many days I can go without unpacking.

And then there was me.

I could be the only one in the office. I am the only one in this particular area today. I've seen a few others, but they could have all left by now. Obviously the day before Thanksgiving it a big go-home-see-family thing so it's more than slow. It's dead here.

To amuse myself (because I did see this coming) I've brought in a pile of the catalogs that showed up at my house yesterday. When I first moved I was frantic about getting the address changed because I really like my catalogs, they're like free magazines, and I have a thing for free. Well word has definitely gotten out and I probably receive every catalog that is put through a print press and mass-distributed.

Some catalogs are things I buy, and some are tangents from that. I have a yoga catalog I look at when I 'm stressed, I swear it helps. I also have a bunch of different out-doorsy things, which is what I seem to have here. Well, it's LL.Bean Outdoor. I didn't realize there were delineations, but aparently so. I also have REI and Title Nine, all very outdoor oriented.

Looking through these makes me realize how un-outdoorsy I am. I like the outdoors and all, but I have no need for this camp cookwear set, headlamp, knee hieght snow protective boots, or sleeping bag for temperatures below negative 20 degrees. Snowshoes? Not so much. I used to live around Syracuse, so I know what that can be like, but really, it's not so much a part of my life here. I'm not sure how I feel about not needing winter boots, ski jackets, sleds, ski equipment, car racks, winter car mats, long underware, fleece socks or fleece lined anything. Once I bought a pair of khaki's lined with fleece. I wore them to the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade. I was not cold. Outside in NYC for over 4 hours, not cold. Unfortunately that's where the use of those pants came to a screeching hault. You could NOT wear them inside without literal sweat being drawn onto your legs. Ew.

I mean how many people actually NEED a canteen?

Today I'm feeling slightly inspired (and have time on my hands) for a special edition, 2-part blog post. Buckle your seatbelts, I have a lot of time!

Part 1: Strange Things I've Witnessed in DC.
This is inspired by the uniformed officer I saw blatently and completely J-WALK across 17th Street with styrofoam cup in hand, in rush hour traffic, cutting through cars stopped in said traffic. The irony hear would be I have a coworker that has been ticketed for actually j-walking. Special. Just special.

Other events include:
A african-american celebrates the Obama win by dancing in the streets and giving my car a LAP DANCE while I am stuck in traffic on K street. (I swear I could not make this up.)

A guy driving a Red High Heeled Shoe.

Being struck in the face on Pennsylvania Ave by a rogue window-washer rope.

A homeless lady beg for money and then pimp it out to some homeless dude in the park only to do it again the next day, and the next. Wearing different clothes each day and making me question the validity of 'homeless' going on there.

Buildings be torn down floor by floor exposing restrooms to the street.

A semi back up the down one-way ramp under the 12th street bridge because he suddenly realized he could not make clearance.

Halloween: A bill on Capitol Hill. (forever my favorite costume)

Homeless guy bathing in the fountain in front of the Smithsonian.

My friend Karl mount the Elephant in front of the Gallery Place Metro stop after a Christmas party.

Strangers crash our company Christmas party and then ask where the after-party is.

People wearing suits and ties or skirts/work dresses riding bikes.

Street performers get territorial and attempt to 'sabatage' the other party.

I'm sure some of you can top me, but I don't go out all that often and I'm sure there is more fun admist at night!

Part 2: A Letter to our Building Architect.
Dear Archictect,
I know we've only been in this space for 6 months, but as far as I can tell, the design of this building and it's access kind of sucks. It sucks because when I come to work the garage is a labrynth in and of itself. Some spots you have to leave your key, some you don't, some are for certain companies employees, some aren't, and there are numerous doors, stairwells, entries and exits and levels that all have different access times. It's a wonder I have not locked myself in the garage or a stairwell for more than the 4 hours I once did.
It also sucks because once I park somewhere and find some sort of portal to the upper world, it will come with an industrial staircase. There is ONE elevator servicing 3 main office buildings all attached to the ONE garage. This one and only magic elevator is hidden and impossible to find without a map and holds 4 people max and is not near any one of the 3 main office buildings. Craziness or fairness? Who knows.
It sucks because when I walk up the stairwell closest to my office building, I have to walk up 4 sets of stairs and enter some swinging metal gate that bangs loudly despite the diaper wad of duct tape on it. Nice touch. It sucks because the only way to cut down on half of those stairs is to go outside a side door and immediately back in through a different side door to access an elevator bank. Minimum doors opened : 4 plus one metal gate and 2 flights of stairs. However, the kicker is you can't avoid them on the way back because that side door you exited from can not be opened from the other side. OH what fun!! So you MUST take 4 flights of stairs down, through 4 doors and one gate on the way back no matter what.
Aparently the building access was designed with more of the metro rider in mind. Although, they are not immune to the quirks because we have to have this key card to access the doors to the office so depending on where you sit in the office, how mandatory carrying this around is. For me, i can not leave my seat without it because the bathrooms are on the outside of those magic locking doors. We've also discovered we have a great rooftop deck but although you can get out, you can't get back in. (I'm glad we tested this before just walking out completely.)
And oddly enough, you need your key card to open the garage doors once they close after hours - not your garage opener- and only the ones on K street will open at all after hours.
All in all, it's really the access in and out of this place that is a giant pain in the ass. It should at least come with some sort of pamphlet and a map to navigate, and a compass, and a watch so you know after 6:30PM to use your alternate route to the garage because the main stairwell is locked. It's a good thing we had that fire drill the other week, I was pretty sure there were no exits other than those elevators that do not go to ground level. I'm also pretty sure you were drinking when you designed the garage but I'm already boring myself with this topic, so I digress. Good day.

Monday again! What is going on lately? Hmm....well I successfully did not leave my townhouse Saturday in our pursuit of doing nothing. Truth be told I have a hard time doing 'nothing' at home, there is always something to do and I have this organizational nag that turns free time into closet make-overs. Luckily, things aren't looking too bad in the closets so vacuuming and laundry kept me busy enough. Sunday is a bit of a blurl, I played Hide and Seek with my 6 y.o. and proclaimed myself the winner when she gave up on looking for me. In her small defense I had a kick-ass hiding spot no one would have found me in: suspended above the door in the storage closet under the stairs. Yes, those activities have become my weekends.

I find myself at an age where I have friends in several stages of life/family cycles. I have married friends with no kids. They can go out, but usually don't. I have married with kids friends in full family mode that go to bed at 9pm and laugh when I ask if they want to go out, I'm leaving at 10pm. I also have single friends in their 20's still that party like they're still in college, because it wasn't that long ago. I think part of my organization-minded-self likes to put people in categories like I sort my m&m's. (My kid does that too). I do that with people and their styles, but I never felt like I fit into any one category no matter what criteria I'm using. I know I'm married with kid, but I honestly don't fit firmly in the all-about family because there is only one of her, she's self-sufficient and a late sleeper. This makes me realize that 2 kids is a definite tipping point in which you've become a 'family' person. I think I will stay with one toe dipping in that pool for now for my financial benefit.

Now the holidays are approaching (yet again) and it's hard for me to grasp just yet. Where did November go honestly? I am not ready to decorate the house for Christmas, period. That is just another thing that SUCKS about being a responsible adult and parent. (I'm actually not sure I've found anything that hasn't sucked compared to being a non-responsible college-kid, but I digress...) You just never know how much effort goes into everything until you have to do it yourself. I do go a little all-out for my Halloween decorating so maybe I'm just fatigued from doing all that pretty much solo up and down, breaking out the turkey-decor, the Christmas stuff is just sooooooooooo extensive. Not like, I have a million piece outdoor nativity with talking Jesus, it's just normal indoor stuff and I'm being whiny about having to do it already. A co-worker with a 2 y.o. doesn't even get a tree (no he's not Jewish) that is just too scrugey for me, not to mention I AM at my house for the entirety of the xmas holidays. Hopefully I will have eager helper(s) or at least semi-wlling even if begrudgingly.

I'm sure I'll find my xmas spirit when the time comes. I wasn't ready for Fall at first this year, but I guess like many things, when the time arrives, you'll be ready.

Artax You Have to Fight the Sadness, Fight it!! You HAVE to Artax!!

Ah Atreyu, there just are those days when it's so much easier to lay in the mud and let the sadness take over. It's been a rough patch of hours for me. Like they say, when it rains, it pours, and it actually is doing that, literally.

I know I bring some of this on myself, or maybe I just don't fight it. I realized yesterday I was going to be in the VA office where a potluck is taking place and hence, if I want to eat, you must participate. Ok, I agreed to make cookies. I'm pretty good at the baking, I'll just have to skip out on watch my daughters Taekwando and bake. No biggy. Only that wasn't the only activity scheduled, I had to take the car in for service and leave it there for the next day's appointment.

Start of the badness: this Crisco looks like a gluestick. Is it suppossed to look like that? How old is this crap? Well, I'm melting it anyways so lets just go with it. WRONG DECISION. I commence and finish baking 2 dozen chocolate drop cookies and fill the house with a very odd smell. They look fine....make icing...taste cookie. Oh, I don't know about that. That CAN'T be right. Crap.

Call mother. Does Crisco go bad? What did it look like? A glue stick...yeah kinda clear...oh that's bad? Will it kill anybody? (consider serving to office anyways)

Miss 6 calls from husband frantic about dropping off car while walking dogs and chatting with mother. Get in car leaving half frosted poison cookies and meet at service area to drop off car. (Don't even WANT to hear what they find wrong with it today).

Force husband to try cookie although 6 y.o. clearly gagging at smell I have filled the house with. Husbands spits out cookie in trash. Give one to the dog. Sits there with uneaten cookie in mouth for extended period of time clinching the fact that these cookies are just plain unedible. Crap. Move on to plan B.

Make brownies from mix. I can't screw that up. Well, I probably could but I managed not to.

Still in work clothes at 10pm, have not eaten dinner, just go to bed.

Good morning sunshine! I attempt to wake a groggy, non-morning loving 6 y.o. with funny voices and singing from her "glove dog" I made. She promptly refuses all outfits I pick out so I give up to go make lunch knowing full well there is maybe 1 piece of bread in the house, no lunchmeat, and the cheese is a spicey kind she won't eat. No milk, no juice. She's getting a pop-tart and crystal light for breakfast. We've moved onto buying lunch today. I ice the brownies and move to a tupperware container for transport and unplug the microwave they insist they need for heating other items.

I can see we are running late already.

I have literally 10 mins to get daughter to school and I have yet to walk the dogs and put them in the kitchen with gates up and treats for amusement and move the microwave, purse, brownies, and coffee mug to the car...I mean 4x4 Jeep wrangler. It starts to rain. PERFECT.

By the time I finish the dog walk (sprint) it's pouring. I can't find the bone they love to chew on, I just saw it...

Moving microwave to jeep..pouring rain, door is locked, front seat moved back to the position blocking back seat/car booster seat. Freak out and yell for kid to come here and help with the door. FEel bad about that. Microwave goes in on end, I move the glass plate to the front seat and make a second trip to get the rest of the days junk.

Officially LATE to school. Have to park and upon opening door for child, glass plate careens to pavement smashing into several pieces. PERFECT. Still raining, no umbrella. Pick up glass, take kid to office to get tsk tsk looks.

Pouring rain still. Traffic moving about 5 mph. Leg hurts from holding clutch on/off for an hour. Have to move plastic window covered in rain water in to get ticket for garage...not certain of the clearance on the wrangler...just duck and go!

Manage to rip thumbnail off putting window back up, am now BLEEDING.

2 Trips up to move microwave and goodies. ON second elevator trip a BLIND woman (cane and all) gets in and blocks the door so I have to physically move her out of the way to get out at my stop. When does this happen in real life? At least I didn't crash the vehicle. There is hope yet for the day.

The Good, The Bad, The Fuzzy.

There is a lot of bad news these days. I usually like to catch up on what is going on, attempt to be an informed adult, but it's getting hard not to be too depressed at the contents of the daily papers. Today it's the auto dealers that want to be bailed out and while I am miffed I'm not getting a bail out from any bad financial decisions, I do get that they employ a lot of people and no one wants to lose their job. I am also reading 58% of companies expect to cancel holiday parties this year (mine and my brothers included). And although the US news isn't by any means good, the World news is even worse with pillaging and raping of small villages by soldiers in the Congo. That is about as bad as it gets. In the midst of all this suckiness I've decided to compile a small list of lifes joys that have yet to be taken away from me:

The internet. Oh joy of joys when I am with actual free time to be able to waste it viewing all the friends and former classmates I never get to see on facebook or compiling lists of things for others to buy me Christmas on my JCrew and Forever21 Wish Lists. What would I do without you all day? What did people do at work before this invention? Forget sliced bread, give me internet.

Sleep. Even when life is sucking the most, I can always count on my 600 thread count sheets and piles of hypo-allergen pillows to take me to another world that makes no sense but I have complete control over and can fly and swim with killer whales upside down in pink surf.

Weekends. As long as I have a standard job requiring me to be somewhere else not getting anything I want to do -done, I will cherish my weekends where I can stay in bed longer, not get dressed until 2pm, hang out with my daughter all day long, and do all of the things I"m not allowed to do at work (like stand on the furniture and run in the halls and make cookies and stuff). The thought of saturday in my pj's in my warm house while it's cold and frigid outside right now brings a tear to my eye. Sniff.

My puppies. As long as I am fortunate enough to be employed and covering my mortgage so far, I have the ability to feed my puppies. Yes, they chew on things they shouldn't (or did when babies), yes they steal food when I'm not looking, yes they shed, yes I have to go outside and walk them in rain, sleet, and snow....but they are still cute and fuzzy and I love them. I believe it's scientifically proven that petting your furry loved ones creates happy endorphins and we could all use more of those...I never get them from the fish. They never fail to be the first ones at the door when I get home jumping with excitement over my mere prescense. Who else does that, right? Nobody.

And I know there are many other things I can be thankful for, but this is just a small list of joys I am taking comfort in having today. They say money doesn't buy happiness but you can pretty much buy all of that so maybe that's not entirely accurate. So if you are feeling down about the state of the world, I'm sure you can find something you are happy to have, maybe something sappy like friends and family or maybe it's just your beloved iphone. Whatever it is, it's yours, enjoy it!

Thief in the Night

I must have hit a time warp and stumbled back into 6th grade because I distinctly remember leaving a turkey and cheese sandwich wrapped in pink syran wrap in the office refridgerator with a Giant brand string cheese stick on top of it....but somehow when I went to said refridgerator, it was no longer there. Huh. Now maybe Gremlins broke into the office and raided the fridge consuming my sandwich and cheesestick. Or maybe someone was testing a new ray gun and accidently vaporized it. I have a hard time believing a high-paid office employee would bypass the company purchased bagles and coffee cakes (which is why said sandwich was not eaten by ME yesterday) and STEAL someone else's homemade lunch, crouching in the corner like Smee from Lord of the Rings and greedily gulp down the evidence.

It wasn't just my food. There is also mysterious missing produce from the same time frame. Seriously people? I take time out of every morning to make my lunch and my daughters so I don't have to spend money buying it everyday. I am on a strict budget and that Horseradish Chedder is $8.29 a lb. Now, I have to sit here after a 45 min. gym workout and have NOTHING to eat because I was fully expected to eat THAT sandwich and cheesestick for lunch. Instead, I have a popcorn ball from the trick or treat bag I had at my desk yesterday to tide me over for 5 and a half more hours. THANKS DOUCHE BAG!! Why should I go spend $10 on the crap they have downstairs when clearly you couldn't be bothered to leave the office. FYI there are VENDING machines for the desperate. I hope you feel very guilty and you were too ridden with anxiety that someone would catch you in the act of stealing MY sandwich made with MY favorite Natures Own Honey Wheat bread and cut at a slight angle. I hope you're friggin allergic to Miracle Whip and break out in hives. Rude, rude, rude. I hope you see my post-it note on the fridge and feel really BAD about knowing I"m sitting over here with a growling stomach and will be ALL day because I can't AFFORD to go buy lunch. (F-ing student loans) I hope you are friggin HAPPY. And I'm sure my coworker hopes there was a worm that you didn't see until you ate half of it in her apple. You are a theif, and you make people feel violated.

Best Day EVER

I don't consider myself too into politics despite the fact I work a few blocks from the actual White House. Although I have my opinions, I didn't think I cared that much. However, this morning when I found out for absolute certainty that Obama won by an indisputable landslide and the Republicans weren't suing, claiming hanging chads, whining about the popular vote....well that just brought tears to my eyes. I have a new restored faith in our system of Democracy. The people have spoken, and really been heard.

I have previously expressed frustration over everything being so neck and neck that I was really preparing myself for the worst. I was pretty sure after the last election that it did NOT matter what way I voted that you really could buy your way in. I can not express my relief that not only was there a clear winner, but no one is disputing it. Thank you Republicans for sucking it up. You really owe us all one anyways.

I"m amazed at how happy I feel. Like maybe, just maybe, there is an actual light at the end of this tunnel. Maybe someone with actual brains is going to work for this country (not take endless vacations and ignore everything). I have something I haven't had in 8 years, hope! Oh glorious day, I have drank the Obama kool-aid and it tastes GOOD! To top off my dancing in the streets political joy -and I really may just hang out by the White house now instead of contemplating t.p.-ing it from the gate- there was an actual breakfast in the office this morning. Like eggs and meat and cheese omlet along with the bagles and cakey things. OH HAPPY DAY. OH BEST DAY EVER!!

Scared Yet?
Oh economic stimulus. I think you didn't work out so well. Not that I would say no to a check in the mail, it's just....well I still pay over $800 a month in school loans and half of my family income goes to the mortgage...I just discovered I may have to stop eatting everyday. That way at least my clothes will fit and I won't have to buy more...which sadly is one of my favorite activities.

If the whole economic crisis wasn't blazingly clear enough, it's getting more so around here. Today I missed a conference call and it was about how our company is laying off 100 brokers. Yikes. Then there was a long email about it, but really it's hard to put a positive spin on the fact they just cut 100 people pink slips 2 weeks before Thanksgiving. The guy that left from my cube row had a pregnant wife. Brokers being commission based can't even really cost the company money to keep on so I"m not really sure where they are going with this. I'm not in that particular field, but it still doesn't radiate warm fuzzies throughout the office.

In other office news, I myself probably don't come off as 'nice' most of the time. I'm really not that bitchy, (I swear!)I just know better than to create more work for myself seeing as I'm not paid per project or gold star and there are people that would jump all over the chance to get someone else to do their work. I felt kind of bad though when a person trying to be nice -who I know has crappy superiors anyways- was coming over reapeatedly with needs and I basically just handed over whatever he wanted and gave him a get lost look and went back to my other projects. Ok, that I was more just thinking aloud about when his superior basically laughed about it and said he deserved it. Ouch. I was totally right about those guys. You could not pay me enough to work on their team.....or could you? Please don't offer.

And a personal favorite office humiliation goes to my pre-procedure medical interview today. There is nothing more fun than answering questions in an open cube environment about my gastrointestinal symptoms and past medical history. I love that the adorable guy sitting behind me now knows I had a breast reduction in 1998 and I have loose stools on a daily basis. I can't think of anything LESS humiliating at this moment. You know other than publically announcing them.

Where is the Pepper-Spray Kiosk?

I was wandering through the mall today and since it was a weekday, it wasn't very busy. (Although there were several teens there and I couldn't help wonder why they were not in school) I noticed that it's times like these when you are MUCH more likely to be attacked by the kiosk employees. It wasn't too bad on the 2nd floor, they don't have many there, but it was a whole different story downstairs.

I don't know if they work on commission, but they must be getting some sort of bonus because they do act like it matters. I was lunged at by someone with some sort of quilted looking homemade heating pad contraption, a hair straightener, fake ponytails and I literally dodged behind a heavy womans ass to avoid some woman wanting to "just ask a question". I don't even want to know. When did the most fun shopping place become so awful? I felt like I was dodging the homeless beggers by the metro. I feel bad, okay? I"m not buying your useless shit. If it wasn't useless, it be in a REAL store on a permanent basis.

Which makes me wonder. If I can be physically dragged over for a head massage with some wierd spider shaped wire hanger, what do they do when your kiosk sells things like pepper spray and tasers? "Hey buddy! Hey come here a sec, I want to show you something..." AT the very least they should let you try it out on them. I mean, that's what these kiosks are all about, trying it out.

Spellcheck is Your Friend

As a general crappy speller, I am glad you can spell check just about any document, including emails. Although I sometimes could care less about spelling (see blog description) I definitely will triple check things I'm sending out via work or to a group. No one likes to sound like a complete moron. Case in point this babbling piece of trash email my (embarrassed to say) Father-in-law has constructed. (Back story: we don't get along at ALL)

Dear Friends and family, This election is a turning point in America. I have been following all the canidates in both parties from the beginning. Obama has no experience to be the President, the change he and the liberias will negitively change America for a long time. The change came in our last election when the Liberials/Democrates took control of the House and Senate. The stock market was at 14000 and jobs were plentiful now look at America do we want the same direction we are going or do we want real change. The mainstream media is very Liberal. only Fox News Channel is fair and gives both side their opportunity to inform us. With a Liberal President and Congress and Senate. We will witness the largest socialist movement in our history. Simular to Markism. They have already taken prayer out of schools, in God we trust of our money and the Ten Commandment out of Federal properties. The authors of our constution purposely added these items because, it is the foundation of our Constution . We must vote for Mccain to protect our way of life and government. Palin has much more experience than Obama, She is a standing Gov. Palin. Concerned voter Mike

There are several OBVIOUS spelling errors, but, if you are trying to make some sort of political point, I think it's best you try and spell CONSTITUTION sort of correctly, especially if you are using this word more than once.

I would also like to point out that blaming the stock market collapse on Democratic majority in the House and Senate (although I'm not sure that's even true) is about as accurate as my coffee mug about the inverse relationship of the average global temperature and the number of pirates on earth. (Special thanks to cafepress.com for that gem)

I think John Stewart would spit out whatever he was drinking at your statement "Palin has more experience than Obama..." and come to think of it, Sarah Palin probably would too. I mean C'mon, please. Just because I was serving on the PTA board doesn't qualify me as Speaker of the House. You know what I mean, jellybean?

The words "Only Fox News..".should never be uttered by a living human being.

Does the phrase "Separation of Church and State" mean anything to you? Anything at all? No?

Alright I'm done. You have confirmed my long standing opinion of you that you are a misinformed, bible thumping, complete moron. See you at Thanksgiving. I'll bring the booze.

Red Light, Green Light

I'm probably the only one that is confused as to the association of the red vs. Green light atop the elevator bank with down vs. up. I honestly don't know which is which (red up or red meaning down) and I thought it was only this screwy building, but no. I was in another buiding and there it was. Red light. Green Light. Well WTF? Did I miss something? How does a color make an association with going up or down in the elevator? Was there a sale on colored bulbs? What's wrong with the good old fashioned arrow?

I must have been out that day in kindergarten because I just thought Red meant Stop and Green meant GO. I didn't realize it hailed vertical direction as well. I serious don't want to get IN the elevator when it's red (stop) and I sure as hell don't know which direction it's going. This must be some sort of old-age indicator.

I'm sorry Polar Bears

So, I'm really trying to embrace this whole Fall thing before it's technically winter. It IS my favorite season. First off, I love all things pumpkin flavored, pumpkin colored, or pumpkin related and Fall is the only time they really roll that stuff out. Of course you can buy canned pumpking whenever, but people seem to think you're strange when you bake pumpkin pie in August. I also love all the apple stuff, the crunchy leaves, fall jackets, and cute boots. Also, even though I haven't really grown (vertically at least) in over 10 years, September still seems to merit a healthy amount of clothes shopping.

Unfortunately, we human beings are muliplying in mass proportions, using up the worlds' natural resources, chopping down all the trees, drilling the crap out of the earth and paving what's left. I don't think we can deny our good pal Al Gore in the unmistakable truth that we have done some hefty global warming. It's mid-October and it's been 80 degrees most of this week. I had the AC on (ok i'm not helping the cause) to sleep the other night. I'm confused as to what to wear to work to use the fall wardrobe of tall boots, light scarves, layers of dark colors, while trying not to sweat to death in the office. They can't decide what to do with the AC vs. Heat system either. Hell, I think they're so confused by the continued warm weather that they have yet to hand out Octobers parking passes despite the fact it's the 17th of October, we're still rocking September. The leaves have sort of changed here and there, and a large batch just fell all at once yesterday. It's still getting dark sooner so at least they have that indicator, but we're all confused. It's hard to deny the damage we keep doing.

At least the polar bears, who are probably getting very warm up there, will have more and more swimming holes to cool off in since the ice caps are melting. Of course, their food will be harder to catch and they may run out of ground to stand on but they can have rocking pool parties. With no food or drink. Oh, that doesnt' sound so fun after all. Sorry polar bears.

I do feel bad, even angry sometimes, but fairly helpless as I'm sure most of us do. I have to drive to work with millions of others. I see cranes and back hoes ripping down the only trees left along 495 and wonder why they can't just leave them alone. I don't know what they're doing or planning but I'm sure we can live without another 7-11 or condo high-rise. I've tried taking the train to work, but honestly, it's more expensive and takes longer. Having parking in DC is a pretty good priviledge too, sadly makes me feel more important than the people that don't. Nice. Tell that to the poor polar bears. Again, so sorry about that.

Strongly Worded Blog

Ok I've been living around DC for 4 years plus. I've been driving in for work for at least 2. Generally it's hit or miss with minimal grumbling, but TODAY, yes TODAY, friggin takes the cake wreck. I swear.

My hectic morning started like any other, with me running a little behind schedule. I chose to walk the kid to school b/c it gives me the multi-tasking option of walking the (I mean being dragged there and back) 2 dogs. Once I got them back and situated in the kitchen with appropriate chew toys and baby gates (trust issues) I was steps from the door when my coffee practically exploded for no reason. Mop up, check top, no clothing damage. Off we go.

My time table allows me to get on HOV right away, it's after 9. Usually a small slow down around Shirlington, could be rubber necking, I see some construction vehicles on the road side, at least I"m moving. When I can see cars not moving near the Pentagon it's not a good sign. They're creeping. Maybe. We'll see.

Once I get across the memorial bridge I see a heavy line to turn onto Constitution. What's up here? Not sure....Constitution is officially crawling but I'm still confident once I make the left onto 18th I'll be fine. I was wrong.

I can't see what the heck the hold up is still. I thought I saw some trucks crossed funny but people seem to be getting by on the left, unfortunately my lane is on the far right. 30 mintues later I've moved like a block and a half. Still sitting there. Giant white moving truck in front of me blocking all view of whatever the hold up is. A metro bus nearly mows me over trying to get around parked cars and I lay on the horn the whole time. Seriously he skimmed my mirror I swear. UHHH!

There is honking a plenty going on. People are stuck in the intersections between lights. The far left seems to be the only lane getting by when I see the giant construction arrow blocking 2 of the 3 lanes. For CHRIST SAKE!! Its' Fucking rush hour still! The best part is there is not ACTUAL construction you can see going on in the vicinity of said arrow. I move to the left as 3 pick up trucks slide in front of me and then stop. They PARK and get out in the ONLY MOVING LANE OF TRAFFIC. Then they put on their hard hats and stand there. I wish I was making this up. I'm now forced to move right into what is about half a lane left for cars to squeeze through that are usually running in 4 lanes in rush hour in the middle of Washington, D.C.

When I managed to get past that crap it was relatively normal, you know pedestrians dashing across when the are NOT suppossed to cross (getting hit would be their fault in my mind but not teh courts i"m sure). There was NO parking left in my side of the garage so I"m 5 doors and 2 stairways away but so is my boss, I saw him on my way in. Everyone is equally ticked, and I'm a full hour late. Sweet. At least I had no deadlines, but I would think construction could WAIT til after 10Am or so. Those trucks PARKED in a zone where you can only park after 10am and I looked, it was 9:58am. I'm just saying. That was freakin ridiculous. If there is a GIANT construction arrow, maybe they should eliminate the parking on that street for the day. Thanks to the one ways, I won't be taking that street back down anyways.

Too Cool For You

I've begin to wonder lately how 'being cool' doesn't die after you leave school. I'm not sure it's really a solidified term or a conscious thing when you start school. My daughter is in first grade and there are definite kids she associates with and those she does not. You'd be surprised how dramatic the first grade can be. Looking back, i don't think that is new. Being cool might not be something they are consciously striving for at this point, but they definitely are concerned with who likes them and who doesn't. I had to endure a week and a half of "Nicole HATES me" when a birthday invitation did not surface. (That is a whole nother blog in itself, the dreaded birthday parties)

Anyways, I don't think first graders try to be cool, but some just are and the others know it already. In middle school and HS you begin to realize what it is and that you want it, but again, I think you're pretty much there are not at this point. I went to the same school with pretty much all the same kids from K-12 so there wasn't a lot of opportunity for rank changing. Sadly, a good deal of being cool had to do with the money your family had or didn't have, while there were a few exceptions for the ultra bad-ass, of course. (yeah that was not me).

I thought that would change in college, but not really. It was a slightly different dynamic, but being cool was still pretty important. For sure that changes in the 'real world' right? Nope, I don't think so. So now that I'm pretty sure I am in some relm of the 'real world' I have tried to identify some things that are universally and timelessly "cool". Feel free to disagree. Or add on.

1. Drinking. OK sorry but you are so bad-ass cool if you do in HS, basically required in college, and there is nothing like regalling in drunken tales at the office. When I make my first AA meeting, I'll REALLY have something to talk about. Even now someone is talking about being drunk at 4 in the morning. See. So cool. If you don't drink you've either gotten so cool you've surpassed everyone else (and we no longer like you), or you never were in the first place.

2. Converse. I don't know, they just are in a "i'm not even trying" sort of way.

3. Having lots of money. Ok this does not make you instantly cool, but sure takes a lot of worry away from you inevitably impalling you with that desired devil-may-care attitude that is the essence of cool. (and the resources for cool gadgets)

4. Athletic ability. Ok you can't buy this one (maybe rig games though) but possessing the ability to do something really well (a.k.a. better than everyone else) makes you instantly cool whether it's little league or major league. It only gets cooler with age. (For example: i'm going to smoke you in the office chair race and everyone will hail me!)

5. Technology. I'm really trying hard to steer away from the merchandise in general, but I think it is true that he who has it first is usually pretty cool. Whatever that new 'thing' might be. I think this one fades with age though. WE'll see when I get to the nursing home if the guy with the new motorized walker is really as cool as he thinks he is.

In general, of course, the coolest guys and girls pull this off without trying or caring (or at least make it look that way). Everyone likes them, wants to be them, wants to be friends with them, etc. I don't think it's the same as being Popular or Bad-Ass, but there are overlapping areas there. I wonder if cave men had this whole dynamic way back then. Look at my big club, it's way better than yours! Probably.

The Day After the Day I Did Not Have Off
I'm having difficulty grasping what day it actually is today. Ok, I know it's Tuesday but part of me wants to jump ahead and think it's Wednesday because I was here yesterday and it was a holiday so subconsiously (run on I know) I feel like I had an extra day off and then worked a day which would make it Wednesday, while at the same time no one was here (with the exception of the dedicated albeit forced staff) so it sort of feels like Monday since everyone is 'back' today. See why I'm so confused?

On another note, I'm still milking my tailbone injury (Freshman year is still proud) and had to decline a spinning class today because the idea of sitting on a little seat for 40 mins. is definitely not going to make anything feel good at this point. I also have banished pilates and yoga because I'm sure I'll have to sit or roll over it and I just plain can't. So pretty much the only thing I can do is the treadmill, which also happens to be a least favorite. Even my new playlist didn't help as much as I thought it would. I'll take any good running song suggestions. I also tried playing tennis over the weekend and discovered that caused more pain than it was worth.

ON the way back from the gym today my friend and I hopped into the elevator and were immediately taken over by a horridly potent perfume or cologne smell. Luckily we are only on the 4th floor and could pretty much hold our breathes through the ride and fall out gasping for clean air. I don't know how much, or what methods of application this person is doing, but OH MY GOD. That can not be good for you. I have to question your olfactory sensors in general are not at the top of their game if you do not realize people can smell you after you are gone. Mind you we did not see the person exit the elevator, so who knows how long that was lingering in there. Wow. A little dab will do ya, or hey, just use soap next time and then RINSE. You get the picture.

My bruised tailbone (and ego)
Last week on one of my rare 'night outs' Freshman year would have been so proud. Starting around 6pm we downed pitchers without counting over at the old Adams' Morgan. I think it was somewhere around 11pm (and I honestly don't remember even doing it) that I fell squarely on my ass in a bar. More than once. I only know this because my girlfriend saw me do it the first time and told me I told her I fell a second time. There is a bruise the size of a greeting card on my left cheek. Ha ha ha, I know hilarious. It's not the bruise that hurts.

I'm pretty sure I have bruised my tailbone. It is excruciating painful to get out of a chair and I nearly burst into tears during the squats segment at the gym yesterday (more than a week after the incident). I roll sideways out of bed and avoid centering my gravity at all costs. Of course I googled the injury and this is all pretty standard. Even if I did break the darn thing they would only perscribe pain meds and tell you to rest it, maybe ice it. I tried that yesterday. The condensation got my skirt all wet and I refused to leave my cube until it was 6pm and most people had already left.

I feel like I have to avoid all my pilates/yoga classes because I can't move like a normal human being. This could last 6 weeks easily and some online whiners like myself say they have permanent lasting pain. F-ing sweet. Chalk that up to a winning bar injury. Up to this point my worst was a sprained ankle from sprinting from one bar to the next in icy conditions. Obviously I'm getting too old for this much fun on weekends.

Cubical Buffer

I believe we have a somewhat 'cursed' cublical in our midst. We recently moved to some new space and there was some shifting around of people and I ended up straight across from Little Miss EVERYTHING. And I say this because she is a hard nail to hammer in any one category. She's sweet and thoughtful (buying us suvenirs from her vacation) yet ultra-talkative, I don't get the you're-not-looking-at-me-while-I-talk-to-you hint and keeps on a-going. She'll invite you to her events (party's, dance classes, performances) but invite herself to yours. Although her eagerness could make her easy to write off and explain, you feel downright AWFUL saying anything bad about her for some mysterious reason. And even though she sends me folders of pictures of obscure relatives and trips I did not get to go on, her most annoying feature has to be the laugh.

Oh yes, not mearly an annoying laugh, but a decible piercing cackle that no one in the entire office could possibly ignore. The kicker being she's on the phone a lot, and a cheery person that finds something to laugh at every hour. Wow.

We were told this placement directly across from my cube was temporary (thank you!) And eventually the sad (yup so sad) day came when she had to pack her things and move it on over to her new spot in the office safely on the other side of an actual floor to cieling sound bufferring wall. I would have helped move her stuff.

Blissful was the time when I could look over at the empty cube and revel in the silence. That didn't last long.

A new person was hired. She moved in when no one was looking. I had not even been formerly introduced when I heard her on the phone. Oh it's bad. It's almost worse. It is worse. The cackle comes with a shriek of laughter for all to hear. It's loud, it's high, and it's often. The only good part is, she only works part time.

What IS it about that cube?

Retail Love

Sooooooooo, it's another in a string of days where I have not had an actual project lined up to do. It's not normally like this so I try not to complain too much and enjoy the fact I can check and re-check my 4 email accounts in a ciclical order. Unfortunately the rest of the world actually has something to do so I have no emails to read...well, you know outside the $10 off pumps at DSW, the new line up at Urban Outfitters, Free shipping at Garnet Hill, 20% off at REI, something at Victoria's Secret (which I can't actually read at work funny enough) and the new whatever at Neiman Marcus. Why are retailers the only ones that love me? I get birthday cards from my insurance company and christmas cards from my grocery store. I swear. I can not count the number of catalogs in my house. Of course, some of this is wanted and requested information (I do love me some JCrew) but others just show up out of a similiar type product or you order something for your mom online from her dorky store and all the sudden you can't throw away the Coldwater Creek catalogs fast enough. I have to say the yoga-inspired catalog is quite soothing after a long day even though the cover and first four pages have dissapeared. I really don't know what happen to those...

Today I mourn the loss of my coffee consumption. I always try and say I don't have an addictive personality, and it's not that I think I really do or even crave coffee itself, it's just that it's more than that. It's an image (walking around with starbucks cup somehow makes one chic and cool) it's a social thing (hey want to grab come coffee?) it's a morning ritual (get coffee check in today show). Caffeine reduces swelling, gives you a little energy, and combats hunger. It also does a number on my stomach and makes me feel like death with just one cup more and more so lately. I miss doing all the things that centered around it. Maybe I should take up smoking. After all you can look cool and badass that way. Granted, I might be smelly, cough a lot and have premature skin aging but I doubt it will upset my digestive tract.

I really think I'm in mourning for all the things I know I just can't consume anymore. Goodbye italian food and my favorite marinara sauce, the good pizza from Big Dough and the Washington Deli, goodbye starbucks and Dunkin Donuts. I'll remember all the good times we had fondly. Goodbye Magiano's and my French press of two different sizes and my 3 starbucks travel mugs. I'll miss you all. Sniff.

Time to Blog!
Well, aparently nothing that interesting has been going on if I haven't bothered to comment. I've had a few fleeting thoughts lately. Mostly from news headlines and such.

The other day I read that Obama and McCain were in a dead heat. I was automatically ticked off. Why this reaction? Haven' t we had enough of the 'too close to call' shit? Why can't it for once be unequivically, without a doubt, fully swaying in one direction. I swear I'm so sick of the hanging chads and after the last election I was pretty certain either half of America is deaf, blind, and stupid, or the elections are completley rigged and you really CAN buy your way into the whitehouse and stay there. I am having a hard time swollowing this has the vague possibility of happenning again.
Normally I'm not overly interested in politics, but please. Republicans please. Tell me with a straight face that vote you cast twice was a good one. Go ahead. I'll wait. Let's all consider (and it's easy to forgot) we're still in some non-ending "war" which has cost us MORE lives than the tragic event that happen 7 years ago today ever did. Trillions of dollars? Mostly, I'm sad for our country having lost that many good, strapping young men. This is why there are more females on the face of the earth. That is a real tragedy, a preventable one, one our president put us in and those guys dutifully followed because it was their job. He can be considered worse than a terrorist in my book. We'll never know all the facts, but I'm sure there is a reason for that. They don't want us to.

On another note, I saw the Britster is back on the VMA's. Some conservative mom complaining that the poor Jo-bros are being made fun of ($12 million last year, they aren't crying i'm sure). I do think the whole 'promise' to wait is a little juvenile and silly. Of course the British guy made fun of it, they don't make a huge deal out of crap like that over there. They also don't have as many problems with their teens drinking because it's not a huge deal. Wait til you get married to have sex? WHY?! So they can rush into marriage thinking that it's going to be so great and magical? There's another promise less than half of couples keep. As adults we really should know better, you're just psyching them up for some serious dissapointment. Not to mention the fact you're asking your kids to do something you didn't do. That really does seem so biblical times. I feel like we're moving backwards and those boys all claim to have 'been to the year 3000'. Ironic, don't cha think? It could also just be an ingenious marking ploy to keep themselves popular with the parental sect that is plopping down the cash to buy tickets to concerts and messenger bags at target. NOt that I have one or anything. One of them is also 20 years old. Please. If you are not having sex with girls by then, you are clearly gay. In the 'I like boys' way, yes.

See and I thought I had nothing to bitch about. My last rant would be about the special needs elevator users. For some reason ours lights up Red for down and Green for up. I need to down, it is red. I watch 3 women stand there pressing buttons while the doors open and close twice. They finally get out all flustered claiming they can't ride that, it's obviously broken and they'll just walk UP. I get in and see it clearly is going down and a lower floor button was already pressed, which is why the higher ones weren't working. Really? First time ladies?

We all have our moments. You have to be able to laugh at them and embrace your own stupidity. Just this morning I came to our other office which I do not frequent and pulled into a side of the garage I had not used before. The pass opened the gate, I looked for the right numbers and followed around to another gate. This time the pass did not work. I swiped and swiped and eventually had to have the car behind me back up b/c clearly it wasn't going to let me through this gate. I swore I had no alternate route until low and behold I found where I was suppossed to be and parked. You just learn something new everyday, now if you could just remember it for next time...

Neighbor Envy

Ok, I wish these guys were my neighbors, but that's not what I meant.

I don't know any of my neighbors. Granted, I've only been there 11 months, but I don't know more than one persons first name and we're on a casual wave basis - no small talk. There aren't really any my age or any I'm pining to get to know, and I really hadn't thought much about it until this past Friday. I went to hang out with a friend who lives in my neighborhood (but not technically a neighbor if I have to drive to her house) and after her husband got home he said he was going to the pool party and the neighbors. We all wandered over, it was dark but I don't know what time b/c we'd already downed most of the wine I brought over. I met 3 couples and we all sat around on their patio talking and drinking more wine while their kids ran around the pool. I was there until 1AM and got invited back to their block party. They were all so nice and fun. Where are my cool neighbors? Where is our block party? So jealous!

Then I recalled that my brother, my intro-verted, anti-social, non-chatty 6'3" brother who just moved into his townhouse 2 months ago tops, suddenly always has a house FULL of neighborhood kids. He is the social mecca of the row. HOw did that happen?! Let's also take into consideration that his kid is the parrallel playing stage of 3 years old so it's not the toddler raking in the neighbors. Maybe it's the xbox? I don't know, I did play the American Idol game with 3 of the "ladies" that come to visit. Last time I was over there I met Jeff. He's got to be like 12. He told me all about his new karate belt and how he'd just moved up a notch and kicked through his first board. Great. Who are you again? Why are you in my brothers house? Maybe it's this shiny cynical attitude keeping my friendly neighbors at bay. So odd.

Confession Wednesdays..
Another fine day in the working world. Another fine day in the carpool lane as well. I am noticing more and more the senior member of our little carpool is a prime candidate for drug therapy. We sit in the back and are wedged in pretty tight, yet, for some reason she insists on getting her seatbelt securely fastened after I'm in the car. This requires me to scooch and lean and try to avoid her hand being on my a**. Ok fine, be safe, i'll take my chances with the windshield. Our pick up time is 5pm. Always has been. Yet, the other day I called her to see if she was on her way at 5:06pm (I know b/c she told me it was 5:06) and when she got into the car with us (at 5:09pm) she berated the driver with how she was waiting around for her and she should tell he if she's going to leave early. We all look around in bemused questionable glances being that we just sat there by the curb for a full 9 minutes waiting for her. Yet further evidence that ageing does generally suck. Oh it gets better: Monday I had to drive these people and she emails saying she's going to walk over to the final pick up spot (whatever, you want to walk 5 blocks in 95 degree hot be my guest). I get there to pick them up and my bro gets in the front and shuts the door. I swear I heard the other one shut so I lift off the brake and then I hear a howler monkey in the back. I look. She's half in and half out of the car shrieking. I stop. I've gone like a foot. She almost topples over completley. I try not to burst out laughing because C'MON, that was funny. Oh she's not amused. I apologize profusely and ask if she's hurt. No. Ackward silence ensues. Great fun. Good times all around. There's my Wed. confession.
Today, I was being a responsible employee and refilling the empty printer with paper. I go back to my desk with a slight stinging sensation I try to ignore while I read up the Express. Then I look, i'm bleeding on my darn paper and there is skin hanging off my finger in three spots. Oh the dreaded paper cut. You've got to be kidding me? I did that? Nice. At least I didn't bleed on my favorite white skirt.
In addition to this lovely tid-bit, our email is pretty much out. It was all day yesterday and today it's coming and going. I'm pretty sure I didn't get whatever was sent yesterday either. OH well. I can function without it...you know as long as we can still have internet access. That goes and I'm gone!

Pocket Full of Sunshine
I had these pants on yesterday that I like, for once they are not too long and they don't require a lot of ironing or special care, they fit nice, I've gotten compliments from people that matter, they are good pants. For some reason I just noticed yesterday while wearing them that the back pockets are quite shallow. I mean, they exist as fully functioning pockets, 2, and yet they could maybe fit a credit card the short way and it would probably still be peaking out along the top. Why? What is the point of these pockets? I have pants with fake pockets for just looks, I have pants with one pocket that you could actually fit a small notebook in, but what is up with the half pockets? I don't think they had any type of closure to the top of the pocket either so I wouldn't recommend even stuffing a folded bill in there because you'd probably lose it. So what is the point of these pockets?
And while we're on the subject of pockets, why do they sew some shut? Certain stores, JCrew does this, sometimes Banana Republic does, depending on what you get suit vs. casual, they sew the pockets shut and you have to pull the strings out or find yourself a pair of scissors in the worst case scenario to get them open. Again, what is the point of this? You're obvsiously taking an extra step in the preperation of this product to reach the public in having to sew the pockets shut, so what gives? Do we have a vagrant epidemic of people stuffing the pockets of new suits and pants with gum wrappers? Is it to prevent the inspector from shoving his calling card inspected by number 31 in there? I mean really, what? Are the pockets catching on things during shipment, like other pockets? Are you afraid people will stick their hands in there while trying on the garments and not like the pocket depth and not purchase it? Someone enlighten me please. The only thing I can think of is that it makes them stay nice and flat while you try stuff on. Which, I could find somewhat decietful because I'm going to assume then, that this darn pocket is going to flare out and look wierd if I open it up then. I mean, there must be some reason behind this phenomenon. Or maybe someone just did it once and everyone thought that was a sign of something more expensive and started doing it to dumb outlet crap as well.

Generally Surly attitude
Good morning. It's not quite 10 am but i've managed to become thouroughly annoyed less than an hour into the day. Why? Lets' just take in account that I do have a generally surly attitude and I have never been mistaken as the happy person type. I"m sure there are reasons for that inwhich my new therapist and I can discuss but I'll get back to today specifically.
Everyday I am solely responsible for getting my child up and dressed and to her location of the day. (be it school or childcare) She and I are not morning people so everyday includes verbal and physical struggles and races against the clock. You'd think I'd be used to it by now, but it's just not a happy morning boost. Usually by the time she reaches her destination she's perked up enough to be adorable again and I hate leaving her, which is even worse. That just is what it is. Lately I've added the additional stress of carpooling. Don't believe the radio commercials that make it out to be a relaxing way to get to work. You have to be on someone elses' schedule. You can not be late or you are just pissing off 3 other people who you are depending on to give you a ride home. Mine involves me walking over to childcare with child in tow and this short walk can vary widely in time. Once I get there and know I've at least not kept anyone else waiting I feel a little better. Then I get to squish in the back of the SUV next to a hard and pokey carseat and sit bitch in traffic for awhile and listen to someone elses' radio stations. It's all part and parcel, but generally uncomfortable. Once I get dumped at the curb at least I know I have beaten most everyone to work and can have a little time to myself before the requests start coming. .
Not so much today. Although I did beat most people in, I realize I'd left my ID card on my gym bag at my desk so I had to wait for someone to let me in. Then, after I'd gotten a paper and sat down the office pretty girl comes over and asks about a map file. We always have map issues b/c people think I'm hiding some huge library of maps and I have some magic program that makes them. Neither is the case. She repeatedly tells me the kind of map she wants which I can plainly see because she's holding it. I try hard not to dislike this person out of plain jealously but she's making it hard today. I get it. I got it. OK lady you'll get THAT map. Ok.. bye bye now. Literally 2 seconds later her well-to-do boyfriend is at my desk asking for another map thing. His is a much more complicated request, his example is from a different team and I wonder where he got it his hands on it and if they know he has it and if I'm suppossed to suspend the other work i'm also doing for his team to take up this time consuming map dotting joy. Yep, that did it. Thoroughly annoyed. Just to top that off sparky pilastry wanders over and asks me if I'd sent him something I'd sent him yesterday and isn't listening as I repeatedly say yes. Then he golfs up and down the aisle next to my cube since the server is down and well, that's just what these guys do half the time. Jealous? Maybe. But I really wouldn't want his job. I'm obviously not a 'people person'.

Read ALL About it!

Although I"m a bit anti-routine and consider myself whatever the oppossite of an addcitive personality is, I tend to occassionaly find myself in daily routines. I say plurl b/c they do change, well at least I just have a few I change out intermitantly to obstain from boredom. You get the jist. Any-who, lately I've been carpooling a bit with some fam and I get dropped off and walk across the street to my building and there is a boy there. Sometimes he's sitting and sometimes he's standing, most of the time he has some sort of laminated sign around his neck. He's selling papers, I am not sure quite what the sign says, youth program or something. Originally I thought he might be homeless (he was sitting on the sidewalk). Today he was shouting out his papers for sale, 50 cents! People just walk by him like they walk by everyone else, not looking, not listening. Just like any other Street Sense pusher or Green Peace talker, or Homeless begger.
I started to wonder what sort of youth program this actually is. This kid had to be like 8 or 9. What good is putting him on the street peddling papers doing him? Are we learning the art of rejections and being ignored? I don't think I could think of a worse thing to do than try to haulk shit during morning rush hour to the vagrant parade of DC commuters outside a metro stop. What is he suppossed to be learning anyways? Who is watching him and preventing him from being sold into a prositution ring and shipped to Thailand? I'm just wondering.

While we're on the subject of news, I read in my Express that good old China is going to be stretching it's democratic muscles and allowing dissent (protestors), but only in designated 'zones' or areas that are far away from the main sport venues. Let's stop and evaluate this little tid-bit. Protestors, the people that are so displeased with whatever they go against any and all authority to convey their messege. You're telling these government hating people they can only do their little protesting in certain zones? I think you're missing the whole point of protesting here China. That's not really how our free-speech thing works. They say what they want, WHERE they want, when they want, and guess what? It'll be at the friggin Main Gates and not the little zone in the back alley you've so hospitably set aside for them. Why don't you mandate the size of their protesting signs while you're at it. Ahahaha, that is just too funny.

HATER-ATER
So I saw this girl that looked like someone I knew, someone I pretty much despise and wondered why I felt this way. This person had never spoken badly of me, never done anything despicable, yet I feel I must despise her. Really? Hate her? Nah, I will admit I am just plain jealous of this girl. She's pretty , she's thin, she's from money (hard one to change about oneself) she's popular and she goes places I've never been. Everyone likes her. Actually, I honestly don't know much about her other than that. Yet, my green-ness has led to a general annoyance, and then an utter disposition. Seeing anyone that looks remotely like her brings these feelings to the surface. Why, I wonder, would you pull negative feelings from something that is basically positive? Is there a thin line between admiration and hate? No, i've decided, not a line, a chromosome. Had this girl been born male i'd probably actually really LIKE him. I mean, again, there's nothing this person has actually done to make me haterate, so I'd probably admire him very much. Ack, that's just sadly strange and true. I, as a double X carrying chromosome admire in males many qualities that would make me seeth with jealously in females. Well, I suppose that must be some sort of evolutionary thing where in the 'wild' it may be in best interest to toss her off a cliff as to make my situation and chance of offspring a little better with the alpha males.
I think they frown on the cliff tossing these days though...

Another Day
So, I'm sitting here at work and although I have a lovely looking map with perhaps 50 points I"m going to need to dot and label (didn't know I was a cartographer did you?) (i'm not but they seem to think I am) I can't really start because I don't know what they really correspond to. ... well i suppose I could start, but I'm not just yet. That and I keep looking at my gmail box to see if someone is going to email me or gtalk me because I do love distractions and social connections even if I say I don't.

I actually just got back from a mini-vaca. It was quite lovely really, I was pretty sure I was doing the whitest thing imaginable by going to good old Newport, RI but I did see maybe a small showing of diversity and that honestly did surprise me in the world of cable knits and shiny yachts. I was toting my little one along (well she's almost 6 so insists she's NOT LITTLE despite weighing less than the smaller of my 2 dogs) and another little girl came and said hello and hence forth anchored us into conversing with the parent and not just wandering around or hitting up the bar in the 45-50 minute wait for a table. It's odd how some kids are so outgoing while some or so shy. Mine, Ashley as she decided was her new name (she insists hers is not good enough and would like it legally changed, I don't recall ever wanted that as a kid in kindergarten) is mildly shy at times, but she was tired and this girl was very outgoing and wanted to frolic around and dance and swing around the poles outside in front of the live entertainment and well, act like a kid. My kid does not act like a kid. She just looked at me like, you're kidding right? She wants me to do what? She reluctantly followed once but came right back. Funny, the same day I got a lecture from a senior citizen before our ghost tour in which they charged me the full adult price for the 5 year old that I'd be asked to leave if she got 'fidgety' because their cut-off is usually 8 years old. I have to say I was more fidgety during the slide show than she was, and no I didn't see any ghosts. I'm going to hit up the Balitmore one next, at least that's in the dark.

Not sure where I was going with that. RI hasn't changed too much. A few more new strip malls, Dunkin Donuts is the official sponsor of RI now I'm pretty sure. It's replacing the Mr. Potato Head since Hasbro is poisoning our youth with lead paint anyways, now we'll just fatten them up a little more. You seriously can't go 100 yards without hitting a D&D. I know, I'm just jealous. All we have around here is the over-priced and slightly poisonous Starbucks. My brother and my spouse send each other picture messeges of D&D consumption when we get it around here b/c they are so rare. I got one this morning. Ok 2 from the brother. Thanks. That was my favorite donut kind too, peanut. The one the D&D by us claimed D&D no longer even made. Friggin liers. That's really not even a laughing matter.

Social Experiments

So, I certainly don't claim to ever have a single clue how people function or what people are thinking when they do things. I feel like not having taken psych in college has put me at a certain disadvantage, or at the very least I feel like i could be better informed as to the normal functions of the human mind. At least I'd have something to compare it to when people do things that boggle me. Or maybe I'd know how I'm suppossed to react in certain situations, or I'd have a list of clinical sounding excuses for my own bad behavior. That being said, I know nothing about psychology and I don't think I've learned enough on my own observations of human behavior either.

I've been reading this book (The Boyfriend List) which is written from a 15 y.o.'s perspective and I really feel for her and her HS drama recalling how everything was such a HUGE deal, everyone knew everything about everyone, and everyone was so insecure and worried about their popularity above being a decent human being. This poor girl says what people want to hear all the time and eventually starts having anxiety attacks. Sadly, I think I probably am more like her than I'd like to admit. When do I really say what I mean? I'm still so concerned with what other people might say or do, I almost always just say what I think people want to hear. I avoid confrontation like it's my job -which it's not. I used to think people were just over reacting when they claimed 'anxiety attack' until I actually had one. I guarantee 100% that could have been avoided if I'd just spoken my mind or gone ahead with the verbal confrontation surrounding the issue. I'd like to say i've learned from that, but not really. I still say nothing when I should say something. I know why, but that's an even longer story.

Getting a bit off track. The book also talked about how they'd write things down in a notebook that they'd learned about the opposite sex. That sounds like the smartest idea I've ever heard. And they collaborated with her 3 best friends so I really think they were on to something. A study in behavoir, boy behavoir of the human kind. I mean, really, even as an adult, I just don't get that and I'd like a manual sometimes. I have my own social experiments. I'll be IM-ing 2 people and I'll say the exact same thing (copy paste) to gauge their different reactions. There are standard reponses for certain questions. If I had all day I could probably learn a lot more. Sometimes I make things up to see how people react to new information. I know that I withhold information a lot too. I should stop doing this, and I don't even know why I do that. Probably to avoid any negative reactions. And in case you're wondering, I have been to a therapist. Several. None of them quite worked out.

So it's been nearly 2 years I see since my last blog. Wow, I've really been keeping up with that. This forces me to wonder what has either been keeping me so busy I haven't blogged, or has my life become so boring I haven't? Hm..good question. Maybe both intermitantly (still a bad speller).
What have I done in this time span? Well, let's see...2 Halloweens', 2 Christmas', 2 Thanksgivings, we purchased a townhouse in August of 2007, Chloe started kindergarten at her new school in September and finished it in June this year. Still have the same cars, I think. We have 2 dogs now, not sure if we had any back then. Lenore got married. Travis moved into a new house purchase, Ori turned 3, an office move. That's just logistics. Sometimes I feel like I do a whole lot in a short amount of time (moving, jobs changing, new schools/cars/pets/friends) , but I think even more has changed just in me being me. A completely different mindset, a completely different person perhaps. Chloe doesn't even remember 2 years ago. It was odd to see grow from a baby to a toddler to this little kid she is. It was like for every year she grew in her toddlerhood, she lost a year of memory before that. She was not even 2 when we moved to DC, she remembered for awhile where we first lived and things Stacy said before work, but then it drifted away the following year. When we moved from Park Place to Newport she talked about the old place all the time, she doesn't remember that at all now. She talks about our apartment fondly and misses it, it was a cute apartment. She may keep that memory, or maybe not since she turned 5 in the midst of the move it's hard to say.
Our new house is great. I love it. My boss helped me find it by suggesting the area, I saw it online and fell in love with it. It has a cute little half twist on the staircase and built in bookshelves in the living room. The lower level has a nice open circular plan which I loved about the apartment. I haven't really formally met too many of the neighbors, a lot are older couples still. One crazy crew owns a used book store I've come to learn. We noticed the same guy walking at a snails pace back and forth to the dumpster with a box. Later we found out he was throwing out books. To me that is a cardinal sin. If you don't want them, I'm sure someone else will. Library, schools, good will, pick one! I'm talking hardcovers, loads and loads of them. Old books printed on presses from the 1800's, new books like John Grisham novels, and everything inbetween. Childrens' books, cook books, history books, autobiographies, everything you can imagine. I tried talking to the guy that walks back and forth but turns out he doens't speak english or is impaired or something. Months later the other guy that lives there, an older indian fellow, talked to me and asked if I liked mysteries. The next day a box of books was by my door. Since then I have periodically moved items off my built in shelves to house my growing library -which i'm thrilled about because I LOVE books and everything about them from the smell, to the feel, to the weight, to the worlds within them. Maybe one day I'll even write one. Anyways, the guy still throws out tons of books. Sometimes I rescue them from their demise. I brought a bunch over to the school, boxes home to family, but there are tons that still go to the landfill which is sad. I'm sure he could partner with someone else who wants to sell that kind of book -he said he doesn' sell novels- and actually get money for them, but it seems he doesn't want to bother. He's one of the new-house adventures. He says he writes books too, childrens' books. He has grandkids. I would think someone who appreciates books like me would not want them thrown in the dumpster on a weekly basis (which it is) but I'm still working with a bit of that language barrier and haven't completely gotten it through to him that he should give them to me ALL the time and not just SOME of the time. Although, I'm sure at that point I'd probably be doing the same thing because of sheer volume. I'm already looking at my shelves like I'm gonig to need a dewy decimal system and a little set of drawers attached to the wall for my card organization. I have a loose organized shelf-category thing going but...one day i'm sure I'll get bored and overhaul it. I'm finding there is much truth to the fact you have to create a bigger mess to create order. I find that process very therapeutic. Sometimes I purposely wait to see how much of a mess I can stand before I clean it up. The contrast between before and after is always better and therefore more fulfilling. Maybe that's what I'm doing all the time.