Hate of the Day.

Soooooooooooooooooooo...anyone that lives in this area of MD/DC/VA knows that the capitol beltway is a huge mess lately. They've decided they're going to widen it and make some 'HOT' lanes which translate into either High Occupancy or Toll lanes for those sans extra bodies. All well and good. Also known as 'Lexus Lanes' for those of us who can barely afford to buy the gas it takes to get to work as it is. I'm sure the new lanes will be full of BMW's and Mercedes and my boss's shiny Lexus. That said, the whole getting there part is a mess.
I've previously mentioned the fact they are tearing down every tree in VA to do this. Aside from that, the lanes we have on the beltway keep getting taken away/moved/adjusted to accommodate the construction and it's (smells like literal dirt in here for no reason) a guess where you'll be needing to manuver to adhere to new traffic patterns. It's also just making the time it takes to get from A to B about double what it usually is...which I'm sure defeats the whole purpose of making new lanes and who knows how long this is going to take. I'm sure they have a timeline, but I make timelines for a living and assure you...we're just guessing 99% of the time and therefore wrong 99% of the time.
Sweet.
Example: it normally takes me about 30 mins. door to door to travel the 8 miles on the beltway from Springfield to Tysons, VA. Today: 51 mins.
Take 395 double the distance to DC takes me about 30 mins. at the same time of day.
I swear, I could walk and it would be about the same time-wise and less frustrating..only NO ONE walks anywhere around here. It is the most non-walking friendly area on the planet. I park adjacent to the mall parking and I feel more comfortable driving to the next parking lot than ackwardly dodging the in-between traffic to walk over there. (Oh Sephora you are worth it!) I also read in my oh-so-fun commercial real estate articles I get emailed me daily that VA (Tysons in particular) has more parking spots than actual residents and almost triple that of DC itself in the way of parking. I told you they were trying to pave the entire state.
16 mph was my average this morning. Granted, it's better when I go home -usually. But I've also had it be exactly the same. It comically takes me the same amount of time to move down the entire length of the onramp to 495 that is does to drive the rest of the way home. I kid you not.
In conclusion, I am not a beltway fan. I avoid it at all costs. Same goes with 95. You totally suck 95. and 66. This memorial day weekend when my parents are camping out somewhere where it requires me to take 66, I will be looking on an actual paper map for some way to avoid that entirely. Yes, we need the new metro extension to Tysons and the new HOT lanes will hopefully help, but in the meantime...suckage!!!!! Avoidance not always an option...and what pisses me off even more is I heard at original construction of the beltway they had planned to make 2 or 3 with that much more capacity...only they didn't! Why? Because they could not imagine a need for that much space or DC ever becoming that populated. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhht...why would the capitol of the United States ever become a popular place to live or work?!?
Un-be-lievable.

Although debating on whether to blog about the guy standing out at the corner this morning with his "I cheated..." sign or how much I love waffles and hate crohns', I have recalled another topic of discussion I've wanted to clear up:

These 2 guys confuse the crap out of me. Jerry O'connell and Jason Bateman are actually 2 different individuals I understand...but I can never tell them apart. One of them was on some Hogan show back circa Family Ties and one of them is married to Rebbeca former mrs. uncle jesse, but I can never tell which is which. Ok Jerry married Mrs. Uncle Jesse and has twin girls and is now attending law school out of shear boredom i'm guessing. The other one is in the new Extract movie with Vanessa -High School musical -Hudgens and Ben Afflack. I think. I never see them in anything related together so whenever i see one of them, I think it's the other one, and then I thought for ahwile Jason Bateman was a stage name Jerry had...is anyone else lost here?

IN my search for ways to tell them apart I find I share a birthday with Jerry O'Connell and he was suppossed to play BAiley on Party of 5 but backed out for something else..(lucky lucky Scott Wolf) he was born in 1974..
Jason on the other hand was born in 1969 on Jan 14th, was apparently on Silver Spoons -I loved that show I don't remember him at all- directed VAlerie..he wasn't on that? I finally dug up it was Jason Bateman on the Hogan Family show I remembered. That makes sense, Jerry would've been too young at the time.

Obviously I'm swamped at work today. Well, I'll still have to wonder who's-who but I feel I've a special connection with birthday-sharing Jerry now. Wonderful for me.

Happy Anniversary to me! Oh -and my husband! Looking for any excuse what-so-ever to eat cake, I wandered over to Hello Cupcake on CT ave and picked up a few. Of course, I'm not waiting til after dinner to try this. I had the 'You Tart' and I think I may have died and gone to heaven where cupcakes are all I get to eat and they are fat free and low cal. ONly they're not. And I'm still at work so I'm pretty sure I didn't die.

So good. I think of myself as a sort of conisour of cupcakes based solely on the fact that I really, really, really like cake. Like Romeo kind of liked Juliette. Like the greek dude was a little upset about Helen of Troy skipping out on him. I am attempted to work my way through the Hello Cupcake cookbook (which incidently has no affiliation with this bakery of the same name) and there are a lot of new cupcake places in town to sample. I have been to Cake Love in Shirlington and the CakeLove on U street ( I don't think these affiliate either) and my sister-in-law has her own cupcake biz where I steal all the leftovers and I bake myself, just not to this caliber. Anyways, so far, I swear that 'Yo Tart' lemon cupcake from Hello Cupcake was the best thing I have ever eaten- period. It was like having a lemon square on a cupcake but light and fluffy without feeling sick or too sweet. It was like pie meets cake and they have this love-child and all the children are so jealous of its' unfloundering beauty, athleticism, and intelligence they don't want to play with them on the playground so there they are, all alone whirling slowly around on the spinny thing while a single beam of light highlights their untouchable brilliance, harps play a chorus and birds sing out of nowhere, while casting shadows on everyone elses' inadiquencies. You know what I mean. That good. I don't even know how i'm going to ever eat anything again knowing that is out there, just being better.

That good.

General Comments from my Sick Day on the Couch

I consider it a special treat to lay around watching crap on tv. I get especially excited over most Bravo shows and a good run of TLC. I have to say though, not all of my favorite TLC show 'What not to Wear' is helpful to these poor people. This has to be the 3rd or 4th show where they cut the woman's hair off and she's practically crying but obligated to say something fairly nice to the hair butcher. I really think they need a new guy here. He looks like Guy Fiore from Drive Ins and Dives and has just made this petite woman with a huge mane look like a gym teacher. I feel for her. Yes, she needed a good trim and some layers, but holy crap. She went to lesbo land. Also, not the first 'transformation' where they make the victim look 20 years older than they did dressing like "a 13 year old boy". I don't know. I know they need help, but it just isn't always helpful. I have a hard time considering them taking up this new personas' on a regular basis.

Am I really an unloving parent if I buy generic peanut butter Jiff? REally?

I'd also like to tell the Today show that shamelessly 'exclusively' booking the 7 year old that stole a car and his family for a free trip to NYC was in no way teaching him a lesson. Turns out a police chase, running stop signs, and then running from the police in general can get you on TV with the sole consequence being 4 days with no tv or video games. Huh, 4 days? I'm sure MY 7 year old will be happy to learn that she is too young to press charges and her only goal in life (getting on tv) is only a car chase away. THANKS TODAY SHOW. GREAT ROLE MODEL YOU GOT THERE. If anyone else saw this interview with the smug-unapologetic 7 year old Preston I'd like to hear if I'm alone that this was a very ackward interview that taught no one a lesson. Kind of like those after-school specials that taught every teenage girl how to be anorexic and bulimic so people will pay more attention to you. Yup, super helpful. Kind of like those tv shows "16 and pregnant". Excellent idea. No one that can be misinterperated or encourage teenage pregnancy at all since teenagers hate the idea of being on tv and no shows are targeted towards them at all.

Oh Oh Jon & Kate. Don't give me crap about your kids wanting to be on this show any longer. I sincerely think that is BS. I can imagine that they've actually asked NOT to have cameras in their face 24-7 and your response went something like this:

"If we don't let the cameras come in we won't have money to throw your birthday parties or feed your puppies organic food. We'll have to give all your toys away and never go on vacation. Do you want your puppies to starve to death? Well, do you??"




"That's what I thought."


-Back to TLC. This would be the 2nd woman to put on pajamas and declare that no one can TELL they are pajamas. Who are you trying to kid?? Blind people can tell you are wearing pj's. Everyone has fashion faux pas days, but I draw the line at declaring the average person can not TELL you are wearing pajamas. They are pajamas. I don't know what else they could be interperated as. You want to wear your VS' yoga pants to the grocery store -fine! But the only acceptable time for me to see my neighbors pj's are when they are fetching the paper from their doorstep. You are not 18 and wandering to an 8am lecture. You are also on national television. NATIONAL TELEVISION. These people do this for a living. I can't imagine admitting you wear pajamas and then ARGUING that no one can tell. YES, we ALL CAN TELL. Blasphemy.

Stupid Walmart. You should tell people you have lobsters for $9 a lb. They are fab. Otherwise I hate you and your rollback prices. I almost had an anxiety attack trying to buy a mop on a Saturday. You'd think there was a snowstorm coming and they had the last loaf of bread in town.

Fruit of the Loom underware is not a school supply.

18 children is unholy. God will tell you he's dumbfounded and disappointed in you. I only have one and I can barely scrape the energy to play with her everyday. Do they even know their parents? Homeschooling is for socially ackward future terrorists.


She's carrying her $5000 What not to Wear gift card in a plastic ziplock sandwich baggy. WOW. I didn't get the whole purse thing until I had a job and a kid, but...what's up with that sandwich baggy? Ever hear of a wallet? They even have ones made of duct tape. You can get a hello-kitty velcro one at Claires or spend $9.99 and get a fabulous one at Marshalls, but ....um....this woman is in her 30's and doesn't own a wallet?? Where do they FIND these people?? Oh lord, now she's crying. How shopping evokes CRYING is beyond me. Free money, shopping, you'd think there wasn't but tears of JOY to be shed. I sincerely don't get it. It's not like you're trying on bathing suits on national television. SUCK-it the FUCK up. At least until the hair-butcher gets hold of you.

Secrest out.