General Comments from my Sick Day on the Couch

I consider it a special treat to lay around watching crap on tv. I get especially excited over most Bravo shows and a good run of TLC. I have to say though, not all of my favorite TLC show 'What not to Wear' is helpful to these poor people. This has to be the 3rd or 4th show where they cut the woman's hair off and she's practically crying but obligated to say something fairly nice to the hair butcher. I really think they need a new guy here. He looks like Guy Fiore from Drive Ins and Dives and has just made this petite woman with a huge mane look like a gym teacher. I feel for her. Yes, she needed a good trim and some layers, but holy crap. She went to lesbo land. Also, not the first 'transformation' where they make the victim look 20 years older than they did dressing like "a 13 year old boy". I don't know. I know they need help, but it just isn't always helpful. I have a hard time considering them taking up this new personas' on a regular basis.

Am I really an unloving parent if I buy generic peanut butter Jiff? REally?

I'd also like to tell the Today show that shamelessly 'exclusively' booking the 7 year old that stole a car and his family for a free trip to NYC was in no way teaching him a lesson. Turns out a police chase, running stop signs, and then running from the police in general can get you on TV with the sole consequence being 4 days with no tv or video games. Huh, 4 days? I'm sure MY 7 year old will be happy to learn that she is too young to press charges and her only goal in life (getting on tv) is only a car chase away. THANKS TODAY SHOW. GREAT ROLE MODEL YOU GOT THERE. If anyone else saw this interview with the smug-unapologetic 7 year old Preston I'd like to hear if I'm alone that this was a very ackward interview that taught no one a lesson. Kind of like those after-school specials that taught every teenage girl how to be anorexic and bulimic so people will pay more attention to you. Yup, super helpful. Kind of like those tv shows "16 and pregnant". Excellent idea. No one that can be misinterperated or encourage teenage pregnancy at all since teenagers hate the idea of being on tv and no shows are targeted towards them at all.

Oh Oh Jon & Kate. Don't give me crap about your kids wanting to be on this show any longer. I sincerely think that is BS. I can imagine that they've actually asked NOT to have cameras in their face 24-7 and your response went something like this:

"If we don't let the cameras come in we won't have money to throw your birthday parties or feed your puppies organic food. We'll have to give all your toys away and never go on vacation. Do you want your puppies to starve to death? Well, do you??"




"That's what I thought."


-Back to TLC. This would be the 2nd woman to put on pajamas and declare that no one can TELL they are pajamas. Who are you trying to kid?? Blind people can tell you are wearing pj's. Everyone has fashion faux pas days, but I draw the line at declaring the average person can not TELL you are wearing pajamas. They are pajamas. I don't know what else they could be interperated as. You want to wear your VS' yoga pants to the grocery store -fine! But the only acceptable time for me to see my neighbors pj's are when they are fetching the paper from their doorstep. You are not 18 and wandering to an 8am lecture. You are also on national television. NATIONAL TELEVISION. These people do this for a living. I can't imagine admitting you wear pajamas and then ARGUING that no one can tell. YES, we ALL CAN TELL. Blasphemy.

Stupid Walmart. You should tell people you have lobsters for $9 a lb. They are fab. Otherwise I hate you and your rollback prices. I almost had an anxiety attack trying to buy a mop on a Saturday. You'd think there was a snowstorm coming and they had the last loaf of bread in town.

Fruit of the Loom underware is not a school supply.

18 children is unholy. God will tell you he's dumbfounded and disappointed in you. I only have one and I can barely scrape the energy to play with her everyday. Do they even know their parents? Homeschooling is for socially ackward future terrorists.


She's carrying her $5000 What not to Wear gift card in a plastic ziplock sandwich baggy. WOW. I didn't get the whole purse thing until I had a job and a kid, but...what's up with that sandwich baggy? Ever hear of a wallet? They even have ones made of duct tape. You can get a hello-kitty velcro one at Claires or spend $9.99 and get a fabulous one at Marshalls, but ....um....this woman is in her 30's and doesn't own a wallet?? Where do they FIND these people?? Oh lord, now she's crying. How shopping evokes CRYING is beyond me. Free money, shopping, you'd think there wasn't but tears of JOY to be shed. I sincerely don't get it. It's not like you're trying on bathing suits on national television. SUCK-it the FUCK up. At least until the hair-butcher gets hold of you.

Secrest out.