$ = Divorce.

Exhibit A:

I had a thought awhile ago that celebrities in general don't get divorced more often because it's soooooooo much harder to maintain a relationship, it's because they can afford to. Many older relatives that endured crappy relationships -and I ask why they stayed- told me they'd stayed because there was no where else to go. I get that. It's sad, but I get that. A bunch of kids and one income, where are you going to go? Marriage is a tough one. Forever is a loooooooooooooooooooooooooooooong time. If marriage liscenses expired, I'm not sure how many would get renewed. If one had the means to live a perfectly debt-free life minus one nagging spouse, I'm sure they would run for Door Number 2. I'm not saying it's easy, but money gives you a choice. Being poor does not.

Now I have watched Jon & Kate Plus 8 for a couple years now ever since I discovered it on my cable guide and got curious. I love me some multiples. I have an on-going obsession with the Dionne quituplets from way back and have an old ad of theirs for Karo syrup framed in my kitchen. I have been hooked on them ever since some Lifetime special surely profited from their sad story of complete exploitation and misery. I still have that on some dusty VHS for anyones interested. Anyways, as sad as that story ended -exploitation central- I thought that the Jon&Kate show was pretty cute. They were all at home, the kids didn't know any different, they liked the crew, all was well.
I watched it with my daughter and got to tell each sextuplet apart and watch them grow up. So cute. I did notice over time that Kate was getting thinner and blonder, and with that, bitchier. Diets will do that to a girl. If I was being filmed I'd definitely be questioning my usual intake that's for sure. You know what also happened? Jon noticed he wasn't looking so stellar anymore. He started working out, got the hair plugs, and inevitabley they both started getting recognized. Anyone that first saw this show in my presense said one thing: she is horrible to him. Guess what people probably told him over and over and over. Complete strangers coming up to Jon and saying; "your wife is a bitch. She's awful, why do you put up with it?" I think that would make anyone questions their relationship. Then I'm sure there were plenty of ladies that also said he could do much better. And you know what? He's aiming to find out.
Do you think this would have happened without the show? HELL NO. No money + 8 kids = working for real. Because talk show appearances and book signings don't count as "work" in my book. Whatever Kate, keep telling yourself that. Without that show buying you publicity and book deals = No divorce. No one would have known what their relationship was like except for them and he seemed fine with it for a long time. If they didn't see themselves on film they wouldn't have saught to look better, no one would have recognized them, and they'd just have each other. Maybe with some carbs in her Kate would have been a smidge less of a bitch anyways. I know I am.
Although Kate likes to think that this would have happened with or without the show, I say BULLSHIT. You'd be working doubles at the hospital and he'd be at the office and you'd both be way to tired to pursue anything else. If you cant' afford a divorce, you don't get one.
I'm sorry it happened to these 8 adorable kids, well 7 adorable ones and one explosive ball of mis-guided, underappreciated emotion anyways. Of course no one is perfect, and that was part of the appeal of the show. Normalsy -and that serious facination with multiples in general - but now, they are just a bunch of snobby rich people who whine and bitch and complain when they've obviously been giving some serious opporunities.
Hello! that Hawaii vacation when you looked your kids dead in the eye and said "mommy and daddy will be together forever!!" yeah, that was FREE for you and I looked it up, that room goes for like 30K a night. A NIGHT. I wouldn't get in that place if I dressed up like housekeeping, carried a mop around and begged to get in. That was also some serious forshadowing and a huge slice of irony pie. I can't believe they aren't playing that clip back-to-back with her shedding tears solo on a $2900 suede loveseat. I've also been increasingly annoyed with the matchy-matchy outfits. My kid is 6 and has been picking out her own clothes since she could waddle over to the dresser. You think you'd stop dressing them up like billboards (crookedhouses.com anyone?) with all of America hanging on your every judgement call. I'm sorry but it's hard for me to have sympathy for you. I have it for your kids. Good luck with that whole 'normal life' thing you've been striving for. I guess McDreamy was right, Can't Buy me Love, oh wait, he had $1000 that says it can.

How NOT to Have People Show up to a Birthday Party

Ah, the childrens' birthday party. No one really wants to have them, no one really wants to attend them, and yet, we all do it FOR THE KIDS! Yet, I'm sure it wasn't a kid that wanted to bring home a bag of useless crap after one of these shin-digs, it was a grown-up that started that tradition that we can't seem to shake. And although my kid is looking for that goody-bag before we even get there, she will not even take things out of it once she gets it. Instead, it will sit on a shelf until I inevitabley chuck the whole thing in the trash. I'd like to think I hand out more useful items, but let's be honest, I don't.

Since my daughters birthday falls in the summer, I'm elated not to be required to invite all 24 children in her class. That said, it's also monumnetally more difficult tracking down the kids she does want to invite since summer is in full swing and they aren't at texting-age just yet. When I do invite the kids, I just hope and pray they do come because there is nothing like a sad little girl wondering where so-and-so is when the parents didn't bother to RSVP or even TELL the kid about the party. RSVP is kind of a required yes or no I thought. Although it seems perhaps a communication breakdown in childrens' party etiquitte, I can sum up how to certainly have people NOT show up to your party. All of these things having occurred in multiple previous invites:

1. Give us the wrong address. There is nothing like trying to find a house that doens't exist. Although it's cute to have your kids fill out the invite, you may want to proof the sucker. Which brings me to #2:

2. Give us the wrong phone number to RSVP. Like i'm making this up. Yes, stranger, i'd like to say we're coming to a birthday party at your house on saturday. Oh, what's that? You're not having a party?...this just doesn't bode well for anyone involved.

3. Hand out invites 2 days before the party. Um...what? I need more than 2 days notice to pencil in a shower on some days, now you expect me to go buy a gift?! Travel arrangements? I need time to make that happen people, so unless you want something I haven't used yet out of my linen/storage closet, and nothing says happy birthday like a 4-pack of 60 watt bulbs, I suggest you put a little more thought into your timing.

4. Have the party on a weekday, mid-day. Look, hoorah for you not working. What about the rest of us?

5. Neglect to say who the party is actually for. Please. Please do not make me guess these things. I'm no good at guessing games. I'm almost certain the invitations have fill-ins for all this required info. If I have to suscept myself to ackward phone calls to complete strangers I"m likely going to take door #2 and just not.

I'm sure I've certainly messed things up a time or two, and it's hard explaining everything on a 3x4 Hannah Montana invite, but I'm pretty sure to double check names/phone numbers so people can call if they have questions on venues or what-not. I have not gotten, but understand there is also registering at Toys R Us for parties. That would scare me right off. You've outpriced me right there by taking the time to wander a warehouse full of toys and let your kid pick out whatever they want. Wow, really? The more I think about it, the worse I think that is. Honestly people. That's one step under that freak from Housewives giving her 11 year old 2 Louis Vuittons' because one "just didn't seem like enough". Ok. O...K......no sense of reality. That's what I think.