In the hole to the Man.

Well, I've made it to Wednesday. Woo-hoo! I am sure it has a lot to do with the wonderful steroid drugs I'm slowly being weaned off, but that euphoria and general optomism is pretty much gone. So is the caffinated feeling that kept me doing a million things a day. On the upside, I actual sleep at night. I've gained back a normal amount of judgement and stopped randomly buying shit and making generally bad decisions. On the down side, I think I feel the 2-month sleep deficit now.

I'm sure that not much has changed in the traffic patterns, but all the sudden I am really stressing out on my commute. It is ALWAYS something lately. Accidents, merging construction, ambulances passing through, broken down cars, you name it. I have found it on my way home and been sitting in non-moving traffic. I'm just feeling very drained in general. I decided I need to get out of this town and take a few days off.

let's check that PTO balance: -7.34 hours. Negative. Nice.

I added up my 2 hospital stints, but turns out I was also deducted for not showing up the Friday AFTER Christmas (thanks Santa) and some other random sick day I didn't know about. Ugh. Super. I still have to get out of here for my own mental sanity so I"m taking 16 more hours this weekend bringing my tally to -23.34 hours. I will then be in the hole until roughly July when I would like to take some more time off. Super. What can you do?

I"m not sure how or why I had this epiphany to take a road trip to my home town. Honestly, it's likely to stress me out even more, I mean we are talking about parents. My always supportive mother who thinks I'm too old to have children, that Girls night out is for whores and hussies, and who throws out my stuff I leave at her house and pretends she doesn't know where it went, the one who was convinced I was sleeping with people before I even lost my virginity, the one who said to my friends "you know she drinks and drives all the time" (?) (!) (no I don't) that one -she will be there. I have asked if she'd be willing to adopt the 80 lb. mutt that is in serious need of an actual yard (she has 2 acres) but she says no. She says no a lot. I must have walked through a secret relm of smoking weed or an opium den in or something when I ever came up with this idea all on my own and then opened my mouth to spread the word. The good thing about traveling 6.5 hours to see parents is:

1. they entertain my child so I don't have to
2. the dogs can run around freely so I don't have to walk them OR pick up after them

That's it. There is only 2. It's a big 2 on my weekend docket though. In hindsight, and I know I have been loving hindsight lately, there are easier ways to relieve the listed 2 stresses above without driving 6.5 hours each way to NY, but, I've made a commitment, and goddam me for following through with EVERYTHING I ever commit to in my life.

I really need to cut that shit out fo-sho.