OMG. I really am not a fan of routine. I think I've mentioned. I like doing something different everyday. Partially why my aquarian soul is almost content with this graphic design gig despite the fact I'm hocking real estate and not Louis Vuitton. Most of the time I am doing something different everyday. Somehow lately though, I have been doing and redoing the same damn thing every single day out of no fault of my own. This displeases me greatly.

Yesterday alone I did 22 fucking eblasts. This morning the same 4 from the same person have to be redone for an unknown reason (they never tell me) and those same 4 had already been redone at least 4 times last week. 4 out of 22 isn't a lot of redoing, but I think maybe one of those was new/original. All of the other were redo's. I can understand/accept the fact updates happen, but that is NOT the case if this crap is occurring on a daily basis. Let's couple that with the fact a corporate online program was established to take this specific task OFF my plate when in fact, it has created MORE work. Super fun. Super fun daily. I digress.

I've also realized I've been on steroids for 90 days. 90 days. That's a long time. Side effects include "redistribution of fat cells". Oh yes, I avoid looking in mirrors because I think I'm starting to look like the fat-Monica they used to make on Friends. My chin is not my chin. I hope to hell this goes away and goes away soon. I should only have about 10 more days on this stuff. I am way to vain (turns out) to survive as ugly or fat. In fact, i'm giving all those with less than average looks or more than average weight a lot of credit for not jumping off something that could kill you on the way down. Honestly, I don't have the mental or emotional strength for people to not be nice to me based on my looks. Sad, shallow, maybe, but the truth. Ok, it's really sad and shallow if I can't accept myself for anything less than i'm used to but why should I? I didn't do this, evil drugs did this (I hate drugs), it isn't me, so why should I even attempt to be OK with it? I really can't cope with not being cute. I can not. That I can accept. Don't get all judgy either, it has been scientifically proven that people are nicer to people that are good looking. This isn't aging, this is worse than aging. This is being changed like playdough inside a span of 3 months. Not cool drug companies, not cool at ALL.